Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize