Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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