Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
