I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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