Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
