DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
