I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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