I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
