Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
