I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
