This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
