Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
