Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
