dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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