shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
