there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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