I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
farters have to be the big spoon...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
