so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
