Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
