I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
