do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
