Hey man sorry I got all grabby
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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