I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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