I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
