i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
