Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
