Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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