Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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