I puked a lego.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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