i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
