i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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