He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The power of my boobs compel you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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