so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
whose ass print is on the piano?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
