Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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