Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
