i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
