Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
