No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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