Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
