I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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