My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize