....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
