I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
