I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize