I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
