His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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