I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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