I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
