Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
