Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
