I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
