pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
