I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
