this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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