so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
