He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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