my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
