He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
