how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
