Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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