Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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