I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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