an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Houston, we have a blender
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
