Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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