dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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