I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
