Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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