Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize