when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am one with the molecules
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
