is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
