Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
