You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
