The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
