So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
