I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
