My nipple is on Facebook.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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