i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need to align my fucking chakras
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
