I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
