omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
