Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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