So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
