forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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