there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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