just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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