Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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