I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
