I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He passed out mid-signature
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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