"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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