My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
