She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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