she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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