Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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