this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You are the jesus of drinking
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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