just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize