Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
