I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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