she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
