i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
smell my finger.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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