We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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