Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
