he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
