You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
