I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
