Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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