The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
