i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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