Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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